HAPPY THANKSGIVING, MY CHIRRUNS

As I was being assisted down from my neighbor's tree again (this time fully clothed, much to the relief of Officers Neher and McGrath)the last thing I remember doing was walking the woods in search of some mushrooms for a special stuffing I enjoy making for Mr. Weaver for our thanksgiving turkey. I found a most beautiful large round red mushroom with what appeared to be crystal sugar dots on its cap. It looked so yummy and inviting I had to take a bite. Not long after that first bite, I noticed a keebler elf off in the distance, giving me the side eye, and before I knew it, he was in pursuit of me and my red delicious mushroom. Must be how I wound up in the tree again.

Well, after that incident, I lost my mushroom, therefore ruining Thanksgiving dinner this year at home. So, Mr. Weaver and I have decided to pack up the Bacardi and head for New England for the holiday. Vermont is lovely this time of year, and there is no better place to spend a Rockwell Thanksgiving than in Rutland.


We once celebrated a "Disney Thanksgiving" in Florida, but I don't recommend it. Minnie over cooks the bird and Goofy drinks a bit too much and gets handsy, while Mickey gets all up in your face about the evils of holiday commercialism. Little known fact...Donald Duck eats more turkey than anyone else at the table (I know, weird! I thought he was a vegetarian too). Of course he spits all over everything on the table when he talks, leaving everyone else grossed out and refusing seconds. Never again.

So, this afternoon, we packed our bags, and by tomorrow, we will be on our way to holiday heaven. Our holiday roads trips are always filed with Christmas carols blasting on the radio, hot buttered rum in our laps, police lights flashing in the rear view mirror, handcuffs and Miranda rights, cavity searches, charges of DUI, and all the pumpkin pie you could crave!

side note: Helena kids about the hot buttered rum in the car. I do not condone it. You could seriously burn our lap! For reals people, don't drink and drive with the hard (or hot) stuff.

We here locally have so much to be thankful for this year, with the promise of a new year sure to be full of progress. But let's not forget the most important thing. This is a time to enjoy and spend with your loved ones, and be thankful for having them. I myself am thankful for so many things...mostly I'm thankful for that beautiful mushroom.

To my family, my friends, and all (well, most) of Shandaken, I wish you a wonderful Thanksgiving, and may you spend it with the ones you love and who love you.

Beware the elves guarding the beautiful mushrooms.

Who does she think she's kidding?

Here is an amusing link to the updated 'What's Shakin' in Shitdaken' site.

Talk about hypocrisy!



Please read it with amusement and...

Whhaaa, why do you have to be so mean? I don't like it when people are calling me on my shit! Now that I'm on the receiving end of it, I don't like it! I want to stop playing and take my ball and go home now, k?!

She wrote the book on mean, didn't she?




She doesn't think she hurt anybody, or maybe never meant to. Don't let her kid you, she is the proverbial wolf in sheep's clothing. She claims she never called Jane Todd a "ho-bag". Actually no one ever called her one either.



But back to Jane...
Yeah, she called Jane everything but a ho-bag. Actually ho-bag would have been an improvement to some of the things she called her. Lets look at the list...

Real Estate swindler
embezzler
thief
murderer...

Okay, I made the last one up, but you get my drift, right?

Now, enough of poor Jane. The Shakin' blogger went on to victimize others in the town as the years went on. She knows who they are and what she did. I've heard tell of her actions while toiling away the hours in Al's and Sporto's, and as far as I can tell, her actions have been dishonest and hurtful...and very much purposeful. She had an agenda and would see it through at any cost. She played a dirty game but didn't like it when she had to face what she had done to others in the form of "taking her own medicine" and now wants it to end. She must really be haunted by that reflection in the mirror, huh?

She claims she did indeed receive harassing phone calls, and guessed she could "push it" and have the caller arrested and he would give up the "john" who gave out her number, but for some reason (unexplained) she has not. In the same paragraph, she hoped that this guy was just a pervert and not a homicidal maniac who would harm her family or herself. Well, if the calls did indeed happen like she states, then wouldn't it seem proper (sensible even) to indeed "push it" if for nothing else, than for the safety and well being of her family and herself. Serious side note: Helena does not condone this type of behavior, this is a serious problem that many people (mostly women) face. Look here to protect yourself from this type of harassment.

She was so very distraught that someone would talk smack about her around her children, finding that shameful, yet she does the same thing to others repeatedly! I guess the rules are different for her. Hey, what do you think her kids think of her when they see her rant and rave in public?

I have to have five shots of Goldschlager, four jiggers of rum, three snippets of Jack Daniels, two sips of cabo, and a partridge in a pear tree before I act that way she does in public!

She also goes on to say that she puts her name to her blog, not a hider like everyone else (the wine merchant is looking for me, I HAVE to stay incognito), well, how very brave of you dear.

However, let me remind you that when people have disagreed with you and your fellow rabid rabble rousers, their jobs are threatened, their lives are disrupted, and in a couple of cases, their businesses have burned down.

So yes, while it would be great to actually put your name to your words, lets face it, she and her cohorts are scary, dangerous people who stop at nothing, and I mean nothing, to stop you. Many peeps are just plain terrified to speak out unless doing so anonymously.





Anypitbull, you'll have to forgive me, but I don't buy your contrite bullshit for one minute honey. You don't go from throwing papers into the face of a 70 something year old gentleman at a public meeting (a gentleman who, by the by, treated you with no disrespect whatsoever) to being a suddenly morally aware woman attempting to be a victim in all of this. You, dear, are the one who victimizes. You are the bully. And bullies don't just suddenly stop, so to quote Jack Nicholson, "go sell crazy somewhere else, we're all full here."

If she were truly wanting all this "shit" to end, she would apologise to those she wronged, and live her life in a much more positive manner instead of shitting out bad karma fart bubbles everywhere she goes. She would learn to be happy instead of perpetually miserable (and you all know how misery loves company).

But I don't see any of that happening, sillies. You have to be a big enough person to admit your faults. I myself am working on a three step program to help me see the errs of my ways:

Step 1. Blame others
Step 2. Drink until you forget what you did that was so bad
Step 3. When you wake up with a hangover, blame others for making you drink so much

Done. See, easy breezy cheezy!

Alright my chirruns, I have to go now and lure little children into my house made of gingerbread and candy canes. When I get them inside, I force feed them veggies, because, ya know, they aren't expecting that in a gingerbread house, right?! Then I send them home with a tofu pie and laugh my ass off. Really screws with their heads.

God, I love kids! I hope to buy myself one someday.

A word about the Phoenicia Rag

When will they stop blowing smoke up our asses?

To read the Editorial in this week's only paper (and coincidentally the only cat box liner, bird cage liner, and tabloid rag) one would think that during his short one term in office, Pete-ard actually accomplished something. I giggled so hard the whiskey just shot out my nose.

Calling Petey's term in office "enormously helpful" and "healing", one would place him on the level of Nelson Mandela and Mother Theresa. My question is, who was he helpful to, and who did he heal? Was it a hands on healing and if so, was it with another consenting adult?

"A terrific legacy for a one term supervisor" they go on to say.

Ummm...what legacy? If you want to count all the stuff that Phoenicia didn't get during his administration, yeah, I'll give you that. Never before in the history of the town, did a supervisor accomplish absolutely nothing like he did! Good for you, Peter, great job. You took a challenge, and did nothing with it ("I've tried nuthin' and I'm all outta ideas!") while your cronies continued to fight wars they invented in their heads, complete with rabid blogs filled with lies and innuendo. I fill my blogs with gin and romance, because that' the kinda girl I am!

The editorial then went on to mention the "mostly Republican" planning board endorsing Bethia (NYMBOSYLIAN personified) Waterman to remain as chairman. Brian was also sure to mention how Bob Cross, ignoring the same request, kicked Beth's ass to the curb.

Hmmmm, funny but Brian failed to recall DiMoldica's "purging" of Billy Fitchner and just this year, Peter removed republican Gerry Setchko, stating "maybe we need someone with no experience for that position" yeah, someone who just happened to be a Dem. Someone who once on the Library board, saw to it that the popular and efficient Regina Johnson be removed from her position as librarian (she musta been tryin' to get into Randy's Belgian waffles) without so much as an explanation to the public. Yup, funny how the memory works huh?

My guess is the mention of Bethius Watermanus was to help sway Vin Bernstein to vote to keep her there, and have a say on the County level. Let me tell you my chirrens, you gotta be careful having NIMBOSLYIAN on any boards. before you know it, we will be a county devoid of everything.

I'm starting to suspect that the rag's publisher drinks more than Helena does! He seems to report and editorialize about things that only he and the voices in his head seem to know or care about. Much in the same way their editor and and writer report on meetings that only they seem to attend as they never seem to reflect what everyone else witnesses at the same meetings. Their take that Peter ran a bi-partisan office is the most ridiculous piece of compost they have thrown at us yet.

Healing.
Effective
legacy

I knew they would find a way to spin a golden web out of Peter's short comings, but this is really stretching it.

Lets see if they are this generous with Rob.

Let's also see if pigs can fly.

Tick tick tock, its purple o'clock!

So, elections are over, and with the favorable results, come the inevitable whining from the opposition.

Whaaaa, Rob won, that means we have to work to keep our jobs. We'll have to show up and everything! Whaaaaaaaa!









Helena has been sitting here drinking her zambuki and reading the latest headlines, laughing to herself (mostly from the liquor) and anticipating the changing of the guard. Already charges of harassment and tomfoolery have been thrown about. Mostly from a mentally unbalanced resident, mind you, but you know how these things snowball. One scatter brained resident accused a former candidate of giving out her (publically listed) number and called the State Police to argue that she received a harassing phone call. When Avon calls you, it's not harassment, they only want to make you pretty, silly....ugh.

As the clock winds down, and Pete-ard's reign of terror comes to a close (as Helena predicted...don't hate me because I'm beautiful and psychic, hate me because I refuse to share my cabo wabo) be prepared for some changes in how things get done at town hall.

Wait, okay, the irony was not lost on me in that last paragraph. I meant to say, things will actually get done in town hall. No more sleeping on the job.

Word has it, TOWM has stopped showing up for work altogether. The kid cuisines sit in the fridge, waiting to be heated and served. The phone books sit piled on the chair, waiting for an ass to sit upon them. Wendy and Patty toil away, answering calls and dragging Doris in (who is none too happy to be schlepping her ass in to sign checks everyday, sucks to be Deputy Supe, don't it?) to perform the duties of office that Mr. DiSclafluffy has so quickly abandoned. I hope he isn't breaking into the cooking sherry and all purpose "flour" again. He wanted to be your supervisor, but not that much apparently. Nah, Petey ain't seeing this bitch out to the end. He's just whimpering away...

New predictions from Helena.

Rob's first meeting as SUPERvisor will be constantly interrupted by Merry Vermin, Kathy Knownothing and Peter DiMoldy. They will hold the town board meeting up to arguing the necessity of saying the pledge, and accusing Rob of using said pledge as a means of controlling the residents. HOWEVER, unlike TOWM or Bob Cross before him, Rob will be able to keep meetings orderly and won't tkae much crap from the zealots, giving them their required time to speak and no more.

This won't stop the rabid pack from making every effort to bring misery to Rob and the town board members lives. The vicious attacks during campaign season used by Pete's supporters are nothing compared to what they will do now that Rob ousted their own "Lord of the flies" and for that he will be punished (gosh, I hope Piggy and Ralph left that conch shell on the island....wait, Piggy died didn't he?).

What remains to be seen is how people will react once this new administration takes its place. Will those who campaigned against Rob act like grown ups or will they resort to childish tactics to disrupt the work to be done for their own community? Even beautiful psychic Helena cannot predict this one.

Wait for it.

Rob Stanley, a priest, and Forrest Gump walk into a bar...

So, mommies and poppies, Helena was so caught up in the election fervor, that she forgot that her favorite t.v. show was on tonight. A specially scheduled town board meeting show took place, but I only caught the first part as I was scheduled to attend a wake being held at the Sportsman's Alamo Cantina.

Well, from the small portion of the meeting I did watch, the budget was discussed. And while I know that fourteen shots of Cabo Wabo will make your reasoning abilities fuzzy like Petey's math, I believe things have gotten so bad, that we are now going to be reduced to purposely injuring tourists to raise some cash for the town. I believe the board even voted on it and everything. There was discussion of breaking skiers legs or putting snow boarders in traction. Maybe I have some of the facts wrong, but I think we residents will be given assignments on who to injure, how and where. I'll keep you posted...

They also discussed how the good neighbor fund should never be touched again, except to fix the shit hole in the flood plain that is town hall. In the mean time, Peter says we should all collect green stamps to save up for the more important ambulance the town needs. In forty seven years, we will have collected enough green stamps to bring Cindy Brady to the Green Stamps store to pick out a really cool EMS vehicle...or a sewing machine, which ever Cindy Brandy really wants.

They then moved on to the trigonometry and theory of relativity portion of the meeting (apparently), as they spent fifty two minutes figuring out where $10,000 was going. Rob finally had to get up and give Forrest the right budget that the rest of the world was working on...yeah, the election results were a good thing.

As the camera panned the audience, I noticed that not many peeps showed up for the live performance taping. Only a handful of daring souls braved the bore-fest, including Mr. Rich Muelerlalalalalala in his uniformed finest, Kathy Knownothing and Barbara Redbarnstormer (who displayed an odd choice in seating position for those of us watching from home- girl, try closing your legs once in a while, that thing has had plenty of air already!). The Windowlickerdellas showed up late, and not too many more than that were there.

They then announced that they were taking a ten minute break (eleventy eight minutes in PT) and that is when I shut down the tv and high tailed it to Sporto's. Boy, you could wipe the floors with the mopey,teat (typo, but it stays) stained faces there. Good thing the Democrats have found a new home in Sporto's. They needed a "bat cave" and Bike needs the business.

Hey, just wondering, has Pete-ard congratulated Rob on his win? If anyone knows, please feel free to alert me. I'm just wondering.

And to my friends Fanci and Barry, thanks for not speaking for me, because as you know, I still have two solid months left, and plenty of Petey jokes to write. I'm gonna miss that bitch!

...Then again, I still have Snoris

Helena

Who's your Superman

That's right, my beh-beh's. Just as Helena called it yesterday, Rob is takin' home the win! We wanted our voices heard, and now they will be.

So far, another win for the team can be called, with Jack Jordan taking a seat on the town board.

Of course, the Phoenicia Rag's spin will be "Peter wins option to stay in office for two more months, wants to focus on improving relationship with restaurant patrons."

Now on a serious note (and you know how Helena hates serious notes, it makes the gin taste bitter) just last week, a nervy sort going by the name of "Sarducci" wrote on my friend Fanci's forum, that "when we find out who you are, we are going to run you and those like you outta town!"

Well, Mr. Sarducci, let me tell you who we are. We are the 588+ who voted for Robert Stanley. We are the 509+ who voted for Jack Jordan and the 389+ who voted for Pat Ellison. We are the 397+ and the 407+ who voted for Joan Kalb and Johnny Horn. We are the 442+ who voted for Charlie Frasier. And lastly, we are the 673+ who voted for Tom Crucet.

Now, if any of you have chillens reading this, make them leave the screen 'cause its about to get all "r" rated up in here.

So there you have it Mr. Sarducci. That is who we are. With that said, you better have a big fucking gun to run all of us outta town. And if you don't? Shut your ignorant mouth, take your medicine like a good boy or girl, and walk away from this one, because you are completely out numbered. You're probably the same jackass that was stealing JoJo's signs up and down 28. You're a pathetic dweeb.

Serious note over.

Yes, Chillens we did it!!!!
Congratulations to Rob and Jack, and all those who fought the good fight. It ain't over for Pat yet, the county shows her at a 5 vote lead, which is nothing yet with absentee votes yet to be counted.

And as for the assessors votes...uhm, WTF?! A photographer over a bookkeeper? Bitches, please! And the man who was once supervisor only to be run out of office two years later, now running for the lesser position of assessor beats the man who actually has experience in assessments? Bitches, please!

And on a lighter note, I wanted to wish Mr. DiSclafluffy good luck in his new career in the rodeo. Life can get lonely on the circuit, so I would encourage you all to drop Cowboy Pete a line once in a while. The up side for Petey is, horsies don't like politics and they don't vote, so Pete will never have to explain the "Farm Stand Law" or how the sewer referendum failed. And, mustaches are still really popular with the cowboys, and he has a variety of styles to choose from.


Night my beh-behs.

A word from a Peter Supporter

Hey There Shandakenites...Shandakeners? Shandakeninnies? Yeah, that's more like it. I wanted to throw my support towards Mr. DiFanny. That's his name right? Well, the reason I'm supporting him is because he wrote a letter and asked me to do so. He also sent me a picute he drew himself.




So, how could I turn down a request like that. I would have to have a heart made of ice,and we all know, as Mr. Heat Miser, that's not possible.
Anyway, since I've served on the board of directors for the dark side for some 50 years, I think I know a thing or three about keeping citizens unhappy. I think that this little fellow has what it takes to make you all unhappy for many years to come. Here is another of the many wonderful pictures he keeps sending me.
Or, it's his signature, I can't really tell. Either way, please get him to stop writing to me. I don't care how you do it... tell him I died! Oh, and if you want to stay miserable, vote for him too.

A word from Da Man

You know what to do, my groovy babies.

You know who to put in those ever important seats!

Rob, Jack, Pat, JoJo, Johnny, Tom, Charlie, Keith.

Or there will be hell to pay!!!!!!!!

Nah, just kidding!

Orrrrrrrrr am I?
Rock the vote, my children.

70's Spicy God

Ahhh, yeah, Row B is my Bitches!

So, who do you want running your town? Helena tends to vote for the guy who:
A. Is not a cartoon character
B. Has a cool goatee in place of a dated, out o' control mustache hell bent on world dominance.
C. Knows what he is doing.

With the latest (won't say last, as I'm still waiting for the "Rob molests goats" letter to show up in my mailbox today) bit of propaganda sent out by the Democrats, I would assume that NASA's successful string of launches this year can be attributed to our current ball und chain
"Peteyorite" DiSclafluffy. This mailer started with something along the lines of "some might try to convince you that things are not well with Shandaken..." no SHIT! But, then, it goes on to say things are super rosey (they forgot to include the rose-colored glasses for readers) and lists all sorts of events that take place or took place in the town this year. None of which had anything to do with Peteyorite, yet once again, his advisers have taken the liberty to give credit to Petey for all things wonderful. So, on that note, let me add to Peteyorite's other lists of accomplishments this past 20 months that he also has nothing to do with:

- saved thousands of jobs with his national stimulus package
- Helped Meb Keflezighi win the New York Marathon by coaching him and feeding him 'sgetti and meatballs
-welded the scrap metal from ground zero that is now on the USS New York.
-Assembled the USS New York from the scrap metal from ground zero.
-Convinced Afgani President Karzai to hold a re-vote in his country.

But seriously, I think my beh-behs know who to vote for.

First, you have the Assessor's office. JoJo and Johnny need to get these spots, you need unbiased assessing, because we all know that the Days of "Personal Opinion Assessments" must come to an end NOW! No more "this bitch is gonna pay big 'cause I don't like her"or "this bitch gets a break 'cause they liked my dress at the last Christmas party" shit. These two people will make everything all better.

Then, for Judges, hands down you know who has to go in. Tom (the incumbent) and Charlie can easily serve the needs of the community fairly. Don't know how long this Amy Brown has lived here, but I picture her living in a broom closet somewhere in the Monastery, waiting for her 2 hours of daylight allowance when she can come out and be among "the others". Miranda, eh, you know about him selling me that used car, so nuff said!

Councilmen. Now, you can't let me down on this one, my chillens! If Jack and Pat are not elected, Helena is going to throw a hissy fit like none you've ever seen before. Like Merry Vermin's hissy fits, only with people actually being hurt! When I throw a hissy fit, I throw furniture along with it! Antique, re-finished furniture! The heavy shit! This is where the name "cloudspinners" came from, just for your reference!

Now, on to Supervisor. You know where Helena stands on this one. If you don't then you're new to this page, and if so, where the hell have you been?

Robbie is going to walk away from this one, and you know how I know this? I was sitting with Petey, Merry, Ms. Knownothing, and "the Rose" the other night, and we were all talking about what we were gonna do after election. Pete the meat said he was going back to Colorado and take up horse back riding. Merry said she would be looking for a job at the "Blue Jay Way" on North Front Street. Ms. Knownothing said she did not have to make any changes because she did not work, was only an advisor, and would find some other poor sap to sit and listen to her ramblings for hours on end. Me, I just kept my mouth quiet. I cant' lose my job. When you drink for a living, there is real job security in it. Thank you Hennesey.

So, Rob, my Superman, I've called the election already and you've got your work cut out for you. But you are more than up to the challenge. This is what you've spent the last four years grooming for. No one was able to intimidate you, make you cry, or change your mind. You stuck to your guns, played the maverick, and worked tirelessly. Now it's up to you. Work well with the others, play by the rules, make decisions that will enable you to continue to hold your head up high, and never take the low ground.

That is why Helena is voting for you.

That is why Helena is voting for EVERYONE on row B- because all you bitches are bitches who can still walk around holding your heads up high in this lowly berg.

Good luck to my chillens!

I, along with Mr. Jim Beam, will be rooting for you.