Pete-ard DiSclafluffy- Incumbent Cucumber

To rehash all the stupidity that this moron has done in his very short term, would make Helena's no-no parts weep. Instead I want to focus on what Mr. Pickle has really accomplished in a positive manner...

Oh hell, even I know that is complete crap. So, here in a nut shell, is the cluster fu@# that will be the Disclafuggly legacy:

Illegal activities, illegal meetings, illegal hiring of employees, illegal use of public buildings, illegals cooking his dinner, tampering with bids, awarding no-bid contracts, molestation of justice in every sense of the word, abuse of power,the use of evil flying monkeys to harass innocent civilians and declaring war against a community organization (I thought "Community Organizations" were a democrats best friend?).
Phew! Where does he find the time? And that is just for starters, this bitch has been busy. Well, busy not doing what he is supposed to be doing, but busy none the less.

Okay, break down his work week into hours and figure how much the good town's folks have been paying this botard to not work.

Monday: Wakes up, slips outta his onesie and heads for town hall at the crack of noon-ish. Calls Kathy Nolan to announce he is in the building. She informs him of his activities for the day (which usually consists of crayon-building skills and a recess that any kid in kindergarten would envy). Around fifteen minutes after he arrives, it's lunch time, so he quickly asks Wendy to heat up his kids cuisine meal (the plastic is too hot for him to peel back on his own) and he sits in his office, coloring and (I hope Rose doesn't read this part)eating his dessert first (usually peach cobbler). Then around 2pm he calls Mary Heman (no typo, she is rather he-man like)to wake her up. As calls come in from officials, he pretends to talk to them on his Elmo kid's play phone while Wendy tells the callers he is unavailable. Peter is not allowed to speak directly to officials until he is first debriefed by Kathy/Peter/Mary/ Kukla/Fran/Ollie. By 2pm he is ready to head home, empty sippy cup in hand, and coloring books fully colored in the other. Total work hours? forty-three minutes, if you want to include the argument he gets into with the Cookie Monster on the Elmo phone. In Peter time, that is eleventy-two hours and twelveteen cents.

Wednesday: Wakes up, slips outta his onesie, heads for Town hall at the crack of noon-ish. Lunch is early today, and Wendy heats up his Kid Cuisine meal (today the dessert is a brownie!) while Peter plays with the copier and prank calls Maurice Hinchey and Don Gregorius (but again, it's the Elmo phone, so no harm done). Vin (did you pay for that coffee?)Bernstein comes in and asks Peter about one or two resolutions for the next meeting. Peter pees himself to create a diversion and runs out of the office before he has to answer. His day ends at 12:47pm. He has put in approximately 33 minutes of work. In Peter time that is "seven past purple" which puts him into over time.

Friday: Pete rises at forty-two pm (his mickey mouse clock refuses to tell him the right time, even his appliances don't like this bitch) and slips out of his onesie. He heads to town hall where Gina has been waiting patiently for the car to go on site visits. She moves the phone books from the driver side seat, and goes on her way. Peter has a meeting with Peter (yes, I know I'm still the most hated man in Shandaken but I'll try for a job in town hall anyway) DiModica plotting ways to put "Mr. Cloudspinner" on the town insurance. They also review a new town ordinance that Kathy Nolan has been working on making it a requirement that all town residents must first apply for a permit to mow their lawns. This cuts down on the incidents of thatch patch abuse. He ends his day at 2:00pm. In Peter time this is four score and seven years.

So, in total, Mr. Pickle, puts in a hefty seven to twelve hours a week, that is roughly 48 hours a month. Sooooo, what is this bitch paid by the hour? Hmmm. works out to approximately $93.00 per hour if you total all the hours he puts in on the Elmo phone. Imagine the damage he can do if he actually shows up once in a while and works. hahhahahahahahahahahahahahahah! But seriously. Is this shit normal? I can do that job cheaper. Hell, you can set Helena up in the broom closet and feed me nachos and Wild Turkey and I'll do the work. The fumes from the cleaning products will only give me more incentive to work fast. I'm just sayin.

Two more years of this shit and I promise you that the order in which the new monarchy will reign will be as follows:
Peter DiSclablahblah: Puppet King Antiochus Epiphanes
Peter DiModelnazi: Lex Luthor
Kathy Nonuthin': The Evil Gargamel
Merry Vermin: Gargamel's cat AZRAEL (there will be hell and cat litter to pay!)
Judith Why men: Shirley Maclaine (in some other life)
Thing 1 (Bike Windowlickerdella): Timmy from South Park (Timmy!)
Thing 2 (Dick Windowlickerdella):Jimmy from South Park (Jimmy!)
Dave Pillard: Elmer Fudd (sorry, nice guy, but come on, gullible much?)

Alright sweeties, I've hit the bottom of the Reserva 1800 Silver bottle, so off to beddy-bye for me. I will sleep soundly. For I know that the other shoe is about to drop. I want to leave you all with a poem I think reflects the administration of our esteemed dullard leader and perhaps a reflection also, of the ending of his short lived career in politics.

Something Wicked this way Comes by Ray Bradbury

Crystal water turns to dark
Where ere it's presence leaves it's mark
And boiling currents pound like drums
When something wicked this way comes...

A presence dark invades the fair
And gives the horses ample scare
Chaos rains and panic fills the air
When something wicked this way comes...

Ill winds mark it's fearsome flight,
And autumn branches creak with fright.
The landscape turns to ashen crumbs,
When something wicked this way comes...

Flowers bloom as black as night
Removing color from your sight
Nightmarish vines block your way
Thorns reach out to catch their prey

And by the pricking of your thumbs
Realize that their poison numbs
From frightful blooms, rank odors seep
Bats & beasties fly & creep

'Cross this evil land, ill winds blow
Despite the darkness, mushrooms glow
All will rot & decompose
For something wicked this way grows...