The babies be cryin' now!

I'm holding my sides, feeling the splitting pain from uncontrollable laughter!

Helena is so sorry for being away for several days. I was coming home from the liquor store and thought I was being followed, so naturally, I had to perform covert operations ( as you do) to shake my tail. This lasted several days.

Turns out it was my boat trailer still attached to my car. Phew! Hey, a girl can't be too careful...don't judge me.

So, my sources tell me that a couple of unexpected things happened during the Republican caucus, but not with who the candidates would be. Instead, two things happened that could not be anticipated.

Thing #1: The Windowlickerdellas stayed away. They did not come to back an opponent to Rob, Jack and Pat. They did not come to posture and intimidate voters at the last minute.

Thing #2: Eric Hoffmiester did not get the expected Republican nod for Highway Superintendent, his attempt was blocked by former Superintendent Keith Johnson. THAT WAS SHOCKING. And ironic, don't you think? Considering that Eric unseated Keith in the last election, and now Keith seems to have a fighting chance against Eric. Nothing against Eric, mind you, Helena just can't see the logic in attempting to run for a position that lasts only two years, and then have to spend half of the last year campaigning instead of actually working at the job! I've had drunken highs last longer than some of these elected positions. And then again, I've seen some elected officials high longer than they had positions. Sorry, the Cuervo is talking again. I'll make it shut up.

My understanding was that the Windowlickerdellas were supposed to show up and endorse Eric. What a letdown. I hope Eric knows who to blame for that one! Yup, the Brothers Windowlickerdella, or as they shall be known from now on in my blog, thing 1 and thing 2.

Anydoctorsuess, I thought about what the reaction was at the Democratic camp the next morning.

"Did you hear, their caucus went without a hitch, everyone was on board with the "plan", (except the Eric thing, of course), so now what will we do?"
"Yeah, they had unity and calm, no upsets (except for the Eric thing) or disruptions!"
"Rob, Jack and Pat spoke eloquently and made no outrageous promises!"
"Yeah, and they're soooooo good looking... We're fu--ed!"

So, my question is this, kiddies...
what happened to make Thing 1 and Thing 2 NOT show up?

Well, a little birdie whispered in my ear and told me a story. This story was one of greed and corruption (as they always are with thing 1 and thing 2).

Thing 1 and thing 2, both adept at playing both sides of the fence, are doing just that. Too arrogant to see the backlash that is happening against them town wide, they have been making promises to candidates on both sides ,assuring candidates that an endorsement from them is an assured win in the elections (couldn't be further from the truth, but then again, that depends on those truth you believe, right?) and as for Highway Superintendent, they could care less who gets it, they have more at stake with the other positions open in town. Thing 1 has been trying to court Councilman Stanley for some time now, but that idea blew up in their face when an off the cuff remark was made about Councilman Stanley's Dad by Thing 2. Well, seems they are still trying to court Republican candidates secretly, while still cozying up to the "train wreck" that is Towm & Snoris' re-election bid. Seems that after their super secret democratic meetings in the back of their famously renowned mexitalian restaurant, they are making phone calls to the Republican candidates to feed them information. Seems they are hoping enough influence either way, and no matter who wins the election, they are guaranteed that their wishes will be fulfilled. Whoever controls the water (or shitters)...controls the town. right?

So how ever are Towm and Snoris supposed to overcome this cancer that has infiltrated their camp? Uhhh, they're not supposed to sillies. Let nature take it's course.

Let the crying commence.

You gotta love Phoenicia Mafiapolitics!