I hope everyone enjoyed their Fourth, and took the time to thank a vet (veteran, not your dog's holistic healer) for their service to our (once) great nation. Helena enjoyed a day of basking in the heat of Hades and roasting marshmallows covered in brandy. Oh the flames were soooo high. So was Helena. I then tried to make my own version of smores using ritz crackers, carob drops, and french milled soap. Did I mention the brandy? There was plenty of it.
Anydrink, on to more pressing matters my minion(s)...
Well Kiddies, Monday, July 6th Town of Shandaken meeting is sure to be full of fireworks. Helena is privy to some of the resolutions being offered up, which have not yet made the Town's website. Here they are for you to peruse and enjoy.
P.S. Welcome back my Fanci friend, you've returned in rare form and you seem ready to take on all things Shandakeny.
Resolution #07-01-09
Offered up by Councilmanish Snoris Bartlett:
Resolution to change meeting hours to noon-ish, as it would benefit all those who don't work, sleep late, but don't want to be out too late, lest they miss an episode of their favorite radio program on NPR (yup, you know the ones, they don't have t.v 'cause it rots the brain).
Resolution #07-02-09
Offered up by Supersilly DiSclafunny:
Resolution to extend the term of Supervisor to ...ad infinitum. Should be interesting to see who seconds this one.
Resolution #07-03-09
Offered up by Councilman Malloy:
Resolution to allow children to play in the streets with balls. Will most likely be seconded by DiSclafunny as he wishes to steal the balls and use them in his evil plot of town domination.
Resolution #07-04-09
Offered up by Snoris the Boris Barlett:
Resolution to allow councilmen the opportunity for napping during the meeting process. Also it will require all councilmen to wear big fuzz-ball riddled sweaters with belts that are lopsided.
Resolution #07-05=09
Offered up by Councildick Vincenzo Bernstupid:
Resolution to impose a coffee break tax in Shandaken. In an effort to tighten the belt, all workers, governmental or other, may be taxed a percentage of their pay for coffee breaks taken. If workers choose not to take a coffee break, choose not to drink coffee, or hate the smell of it, will be charged an additional attitude tax. In addition, all residents who choose to drink coffee on their own property will be required to obtain a permit to do so. Any contractors caught drinking coffee on private property of homes they are working on, and the homeowner does not have the proper displayed permit visible, will be fined $20.00 per cup (travel mugs will be extra) and will be stripped of their nail guns.
Resolution #07-06-09
Offered by Snorasaurus Barflett:
Resolution imposing a new pet tax.
Dogs 0-5 lbs. $80.00 per year, plus proof of shots and likability.
Dogs 6-15 lbs., $120.00 per year, etc.
Dogs 16-50 lbs. $150.00 plus a coupon from Hoffman car wash for free air freshner.
Dogs 51-100 lbs. Damn! Put poochie on a diet. Unless he or she is a great dane or a line backer for the NY Giants, get that dog walking!
Ugly dogs will be taxed according to their fuglyness index.
Cats will be taxed because they are bitchy. $500.00 to anyone with the audacity to own one in a Peter/Snoris owned town!
Resolution #07-07-09
Offered up by Councilman Stanley:
Resolution to impose an unattractive tax. At least two town board members will pay dearly on this one! All not so pretty (fugly as the day is long) residents will be taxed according to their place on the same fuglyness index that will be used for dogs. Unless the fuglies are wiling to wear burkhas, then the taxes will be waved. This is an effort to make the town look a little prettier.
Okay my lovelies, that was all that the site had for now, be sure to either attend the meeting or watch from the safety of your home. But for the love of God, don't brew that coffee unless you have the proper paperwork in place! And if you're one of the fugly fellows (and I mean anyone with the last name that sounds like Fickledella) please stay home, draw your shades, and never curse us with your presence again.
-Helena
And one more:
ReplyDeleteResolution #07-08-09
Offered up by Councilman Not-so-bright
Resolution that all neckties are banned, all neckties will only be Bolo ties and all hats other then military 'covers' shall not be worn. Fines imposed are loss of privileges to any town hall meeting, meetings in fire houses and meetings at parish hall, furthermore all such persons found wearing said neckties and or non-military covers shall be fined only when and if Councilman Bernstein signs a voucher. (which is never since he refuses to sign any vouchers other then the voucher that requires his pay...
Helena,
ReplyDeleteI just told Fanci that DeScalafunny will try to pass the farmstand law again! And he still has not sent the changes to the planning board.
The board has not even met due to lack of business.. no planning, no building, no nothin" here in these parts, ma'm.
Fanci-
ReplyDeleteDoes Vincent use an "x" when signing a voucher? I'm not sure he even knows how to write his own name.
And Anonymous, the farm stand issue was not on the town website, you are not implying that Peter would try to push it through anyway,are you? Oh wait, he did that once or twice before, didn't he? Well, wiht any luck, Snoris will be aasleep during the meeting and he won't have the required votes to put it through. Somebody get that woman a one-a day vitamin, she looks like she died and hasn';t had the good sense to just lay down.
-Helena
Helena,
ReplyDeleteMaybe you or Fanci should investigate the president of the REPUBLICAN CLUB... Mr Jerry SezSO Seens he doesn't like RHIno's (REPUBLICANS IN NAME ONLY) unfortunately he is one of them!! He is in the Frickadella pocket. He stated he will not support the candidates until after the caucus!! What does that mean???
While it might be interesting to "investigate" the Pres. of the Republican club- it isn't worth it, as that organization has become a white elephant, so to speak, bleeding the Republicans dry while having its own secret agenda. Besides, who the hell can understand a word that man says anyway- so let him support Fickledella all he wants.
ReplyDelete-Helena