A staged Town Hall meeting only Obama would be proud of

This evening, Helena watched the clock eagerly, checking repeatedly to make sure the second hand was not stuck. I had spent the day preparing for the Town of Shandaken Monthly meeting show to begin.

I began with my ritual of waking late, so that I would not be too tired to stay up for the whole show. Tonight's guest stars would be something great, I was sure of it. I made sure to get all of my servings of fruit in by mid-day (thank God Stoli has fruit flavored vodka, I get my recommended daily servings, plus two shots worth every noon) and I practiced adjusting the volume on my remote. Later, I unplugged all the phone lines and sat in my favorite chair, serving of fruit in one glass...er hand, and remote in the other. The anticipation was killing me as I prayed for 7pm to roll around. And when It did, I giggled like the school girl I once was. And so the circus began.

Slowly at first, no big screw ups. But you know my motto kiddies, "Wait for it" and surely it came.

Saltpeter moved for an RFP to be done for the Pine Hill Storm Water Retro-fit.
Good enough.
Then He moved for an RFP for a preliminary design to be done on an MBR system for Phoenicia waste.
When Clerk Lauirlyn Frasier asked what deadline he was going to give, Saltpeter's mustache moved to the left, then the right, and looked around and said, sort of uninterestedly, "Uhmmm, I guess we should have it done within three to four weeks." "For both?" asked Frasier.

"uhmmm, okay, yeah WHY NOT?" He seemed uninterested, maybe because he only has until July 31st to come up with a plan. Now, he is giving more time than that just to have companies bid on the process, so you see kiddies, he is, as one resident keeps reminding us, just playing out the clock. Mike Ricciardell's Will be done.

Realizing what Saltpeter was up to, Charles Frasier asked if Pete got an extension. Saltpeter answered "yes" without showing proof. Just another lie. Mike Riccardella requested a feasibility study be done instead, you know, just for shits and giggles and at no cost to residents. Tick tock tick tock

Later on in the meeting, Gary Gailes asked Peter about the assessment issue with the DEP (okay, the fruit is kicking, so we're back to calling Peter "The Other White Meat ") and Towm replied that it was being worked on. Another member from the audience shouted out, "But you reported in the paper that is was close to a resolution!"
Towm replies, "Well, it is and it isn't." Cue the cricket sounds.
Resident" "Well, can you explain is or isn't?"
Towm: Uhm well it is in that we have a figure we know we would like it to be..." cue even louder crickets.
Apparently this was lost on some audience members. A few chuckles, Towm clutched his hidden sippy cup.
Lost on me is the explanation of how this matter is close to a resolution. I guess if we were to follow Towm's logic, I can honestly report to you right here and now, I'm going to marry George Clooney very soon. I will marry him in that I wish to marry him, so apparelty that makes it so! I LIKE THAT WAY OF THINKING! Towm is Shandaken's own Bill Clinton, "It all depends on what your definition of 'is' is...suckers." Slick, not.

Towm also tried invoking the old "blamestorming" tactic, by saying it was all the lawyer's fault , "the attorney has not provided the data we requested." Yeah right. If that didn't work, we was going to blame Patty Heinz for hiding the documents on him, or Wendy Hoffmeister for holding them over her head so he couldn't reach them.

Oh, before my choice in healthy living and fruit consumption causes my...well, consumption, let me also talk about Mary Herrmann's presentation. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA
HAHAHAHHHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAH.... aghgh, wait I choked on my liquid fruit. I guess the presentation was to prove Mary actually works in the museum and knows things and stuffs about the area. Her lower New York accent leads me to beleive she has spent many a day walking the woods of our great town ,checking on family history and...... I can't do this, my sides are hurting too much from laughing...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAHAHAHA

Enough of that.

Back to the rest of the meeting.

Towm states that a new assessor (part time) is needed, to which Kathy Nolan (aka, Batman) asked when the applications for this position are due. Again, Towm's mustache squiggled to and fro whilst he tried to decide when they should be due by. Some such date was pulled out of his ass, I lost interest at that point as I knew what was about to happen next. Kathy quickly turned, swinging her cape, as she ran out of the meeting hall, no doubt to procure an application. Shandaken, meet your new assessor. And God help you if you've pissed her off, your assessment is about to go sky high! "Oh, is that a new garbage can in your driveway?hmmm, you're living large, huh? Re-val for you!"

Well, now for the only interesting part of the meeting. Dick Fickledella gets up (someone neglected to tell him to show up in his burkha) and begins to work on what we all have been saying are the two issues that Towm is going to try to get re-elected on: The Pheonicia Hotel and the demonization of SHARP, or more pointedly, current director, Buffy "what the fuck am I doing in this shit hole town" Kibe.

First, Dickless askes Towm what the status is of the Hotel. "It is in litigation" was the answer I believe he gave. Mr. Dickless is so very concerned for the safety of tourists ( by the way I heard two people mention that tourism is the only industry our town needs, one being Mary Vermin, funny how she is against it one week, for it the next, if it means a job for her) and residents.
Yeah, Pete agreed, and this was in no way a set up like the town hall meetings that Obama has been staging. Just so you know, Pete had no idea that Dickless would get up and say what he said.
Now, as far as the Hotel issue goes, this was a monster created by the Town Board. Every time Declan tries to clean it up, they shut him down. Dickless and his brother, are the proverbial big fish in a little pond, neither one would survive outside of Shandaken and they know it, which is sad.
Not sad in a way that makes Helena cry or anything, just sad because in this town, they are the "big guys", and if you remove them, they are like the window licker children on those special buses that take them on field trips to places like a sewer plant and the Shandaken Museum. Yes, that kind of sad. Shandaken is their strength, and other than Shandaken is their Achilles' heel.

Next, Dickless asks (totally out of the blue, not rehearsed or anything, okay, and Towm knew nothing of it) about the hanging brackets for the flowers. "Where are they Peter?"

Towm: Buffy has...
Buffy Kibe: I have them
Dickless: (being sure not to make eye contact with Buffy as her very stare wills cause him to burst into flames) Well, doesn't the town own them.
Towm: Yes
Buffy: No, you don't. much in the way that you do not own the flags that go on the vet's graves that you donate to. You made a donation.
Dickless: What about the business owner, don't they own them (again, looking at Peter, feeling the heat coming from his immediate left)
Peter: Cue cricket sounds
Buffy: No you don't.
Diskless, Well we wanted to do our own flower thing and we couldn't because she has the hangers, this is bull..
Buffy: who wanted to do the flowers Rick?
Dickless: The Phoenicia businessmen.
Buffy: you could have come to me.
Dickless: I don't think we should have to come to you, why should we come to you!?
Buffy: Because I have the hangers Rick...

That bitch was ON tonight, ON, I'm telling you!
Dickless found himself in a battle of wits that he had no ammunition for.

Laughter broke out, Dickless got mad, and continued his tirade some more. My question is, why are they trying to use Buffy as a weapon in this election? Why are Rick, Mike, Mary and Kathy working feverishly to get rid of this person (in case you did not hear, Mary called the State and told them Buffy refuses to help anyone who is NOT a Republican, among other things- gee where does she find the time to look up everyone's affiliation that walks through the door? I better be careful not to ask her for help, I'm in the "Working families" party) ? What does she have on them? What possible trouble can she cause for them?

Hmmm. lets see, she promotes economic development. check. (competition for the worldly window lickerdella's)

More fireworks took place between the two. Dickless claimed he knew nothing about the flower program being canceled. However, Helena reviewed her transcripts from the meeting in January, where Peter said he would not fund the flowers, and Dickless Windowlickerdella can be heard bellowing "Good!"

So, it appears that Dickless forgot that nugget of info, which is bound to happen when you have, on average, seven massive strokes a day carting around that girth of his. I also wonder if maybe he is trying to get Buffy fired because he would like his wife in that position. Not that she would be qualified for it, mind you, but I understand she would work for cheap (a fifth of J&B and some lottery tickets). But if they are paying in booze, Helena is first in line for that bitch! I'll do it for two shots of Cuervo and a $10.00 gift card to the Thrift store. Bitch is mine!

Well the one surprise event for the evening was the insurance issue. Towm seemed to press the matter and when Snoris (dressed in a loverly salmon colored shirt that sinched at the waist and had no visible fuzzballs) asked that they table it, Towm, swinging his feet back and forth (they don't reach the floor, hand to God I'm not lyin') and insisted with a grin and twinkle in his eye that it needed to be done.

Well, Petey boy saved us some money and in the process, choose to stay with the tried and true broker we already have and not the one that brokers his own business. However, the 30 to 40 thousand dollars in savings he promised was not exactly on the mark. Instead we saved around nine thousand dollars, a farrrrr cry from the touted amount he promised when he thought we would all just trust him and not question his judgment. So expect the headlines in the Phoenicia rag to read something like this:

"Supervisor saves town 4 million on insurance policy" and "SHARP steals hangers from the Town and flags from veteran's graves"

You think Helena's kidding? Wait for it