So, I thought I would start my series of exposes on some of the candidates running for office next week, but before I do so, wouldn't it be awesome to just highlight some of the more unusual characters not running in the town of Shitdaken?

Today, we look at the Catskill Heritage Alliance. Made up of the friends of the friendless, you know, those that have no friends because they have:
-No personality
-No Booze
-No chance in hell of me ever liking them (you know, because of the personality thing, I have my own booze)

They meet each month in the Pine Hill Community Center (Hey, where does the Community Center get funded from? Does the Town fund them? If so, why come government is supporting a special interest group?).

Anyhippy, As you may or may not know, the Pine Hill Community Center is the hub for the friendless fugglies. A place where fugs and trolls alike can gather and meet in the safety net of their common interests in NIMBYisms.

So far, the Catskill Heritage Alliance's accomplishment is that they have successfully kept economic development out of our area, and thwarted a guaranteed easier way of life for full time residents. They have successfully defeated job creation, financial stability, and that nagging, pesky work force housing that is so needed. Yea! Go Team!

I wish that Richard Dreyfuss would run down main street with a plate of mashed potatoes shaped like Mount Tremper, urging the nimbiciles to follow him to the mother ship. Don't laugh, you know those bitches would follow. Lemmings, every one of them. They're the kind of people who would make the late Reverend Jim Jone's man-titty nipples hard. Ahhh, yes, drink my children, drink.

The Catskill Heritage Alliance,or as I'm gonna call them from now on, Nimbicilian (quicker to type) says on their web page that their mission is:

"To promote the revitalization of our diverse communities and the preservation of our open spaces"
Uhm... how do you propose to do that? Artist and garden tours are only gonna bring so many gay couples here, trust me, they have better places to go. And just how do you "revitalize" an area without economic growth?

"To support sustainable economic growth that will retain local talent and maintain our way of life"
Uhm...first, you have to actually have "sustainable economic growth" to sustain it, and since you've already made sure that no economic growth will ever darken our corridor...no brainer, right? Don't even get me going on local talent. Every time I try to display my talent in town, Officer Neher makes me close up shop (my overcoat) and move along! Manbitch! Oops, I mean Officer Manbitch!

"To advance development that helps our hamlets thrive"
Yeah, right

"To protect the unique wilderness environment that is the region’s abiding treasure and its most reliable economic engine"
You seeing a pattern here? Nimbicilian are experts at speaking in circles. You suspect they're saying something, but you're not quite sure exactly what the frig they're saying.

"To serve as a resource for information about life inside the ‘Blue Line’"
What the Fu@* is the 'blue line'? I've heard of 'blue balls', 'blue movies', 'blue moon', the 'blues', but 'blue line? Last I knew, that was a subway in Cali. See what I mean, now they're just makin' shit up!

"To keep our Catskill heritage — and to keep it vital "
Now these bitches are just getting corny. I've translated this line for your convenience, and it says in real people speak, "to buy up each parcel of land and drive the rest of the population out because they are leaving a smelly carbon foot print."

and last but not least...

"To motivate young people through our scholarship program"
Look on their site, and no where does it show a link or give information on how to apply for this awesomely alleged scholarship.

Kiddies, these people are the products of parents who would not let them watch t.v. as kids. Instead of beautiful television, these bitches where forced to clean out their parents bongs and listen to Peter, Paul and Mary vinyls. So be careful with your chillens, love them and for the love of God, let them watch 'American Idol' once in a while.

Nighty-nite!