The very first episode of The Town of Shandaken Monthly Meeting Show will be airing live, Monday night, January 4th, 2010. To paraphrase Homer Simpson, "Woohoo!" A newly elected council (save for holdovers Snoris, Timmy, and Vin) will be dealing with many many resolutions at the start of business for the new year. Probably 20 resolutions or so (eleventy-seven for those Peter holdouts) will be gone through during the evening's proceedings. Look for special guest stars, I'm sure there will be plenty.

Sales of torches and pitchforks have increased in town, as rabid residents get ready to tar and feather any member of council that attempts to drag their fair berg into the 20th century (yes, I know we are in the 21st century, see where I'm going with this?).

Convenience, infrastructure, lower taxes, and basic services are not something that transplants want while living here. Damn it, they moved here for the distressed ambiance and they will stab anyone who attempts to cover those pot holes that make their road look quaint and old fashioned. Hell, I say cut off their water supply while you're at it, and they can also have that distressed aroma to go along with the ambiance. See, I'm always trying to help. I got your back, city bitches!

I think Mr. Stanley will work well with all of the councilmen up there now. Having suffered the slings and arrows of the last four years, and in particular the last two, Mr. Stanley surely is used to difficulties on the job. His biggest challenges are yet to come, however, as I predict that the psychologically disturbed individuals that have exhausted every town resident and every legal channel with lawsuits to stop everything revolving around progress, will once again be present and vocal at every meeting as they:
1. Don't have jobs
2. Don't have a life
3. Don't have enough Cabo Wabo in the liquor cabinet

What are they afraid of?

Progress, of course. They can't function in the real world, so they found this little darkened blot on the map, a blot that didn't even see real cable television until 1994. It was a safe hiding place. When sunlight was threatening to peek in, they began a law suit and the sun moved to Delaware County. Helena came here for the lack of golf courses (you know of my childhood misery), men with at least one wood chipper in their yard, people who say "all's I know", and the lack of accountability in wardrobe choices.

So, to Mr. Stanley, the best of luck, you have your work cut out for you. Crazed sun fearing albinos will try to unseat you, but hang in there sunshine, you're gonna make a difference anyway. Might I suggest a Valium before each meeting? A port wine chaser should also be applied. Or, perhaps this little spray might help...


Later my bitches!

P.S. Those nasty rumors that have been circulating around about me...well, they're true. Yes, I have pleasured Tiger Woods on more than one occasion. But I swear, it stopped when he got married. I'm a bitch, but I'm no ho!