Hahahahahahahahahaha, it's just so ridiculous!

The best piece of entertainment this week, came in the form of a half page ad by our embattled Supervisor in the local rag.

Helena needs to start giving lessons on how to put together political ads. Now, I don't know who wrote this bitch's copy for the ad, but DAMN! Get a thesaurus (most word programs come with them, I know... my drunk ass uses it all the time)

Here are some tips for future ads so that this travesty will not burn our eyes again.

Tip #1: Do not, for the love of all that is holy, feel compelled to use your best Olan Mills pose. Leaning on a chair rail, a wagon wheel, or an anvil is not appropriate. Nor is sitting on a bail of hay or a shag rug, or on a rock in front of a babbling brook, or a passed out drunk (my family portraits were always so awkward) on the floor.Peter used his bestest ever Olan Mills pose. Strike one.

Tip #2: Do not let your friends write your copy. I don't care how many high school newspapers they helped to edit in 1978, they are not writers and they will only make you look like a bigger tard than you already are. Case in Point;
"The art of listening" is the first line. HAHAHAHAHAHHA. This bitch has kept a deaf ear and a blind eye to the troubles of his community.
"the good of the many." WTF? They speak ingerish much goodly. Now that part I actually believe Peter wrote, it sounds like him in a "wordly" way.
"Good Government is the careful balance of providing services and saving money." Uhmmm, we still have no cell service or sewer service, so he must be talking about the lip service he has been providing. Saving money...I don't know where he is going with this one. The Bitch has increased our taxes drastically in the short time he grabbed his box of crayon and took the helm of the SS Shandaken.
"Co-operation."..... ? ....Why was the Co separated from the operation? Did they not get along during the editing process? Is the operation doing its own thing now? Is there dissent in the Democratic party in Shandaken? Someone needs to find out by tracking down either the co or the operation and ask why? Bad grammar, syntax, editing...
Strike Two for Petey.

Ahh, I'm laughing so hard, this really made my day. Helena needed a good laugh after the news that there may be an absinthe shortage in Europe and the Americas. Ah, who needs liquor when you have..."Petuor" By the glass or by the shot, guaranteed a laugh.

Just for the record, I was not co-erced into writing this article. But I was coerced.

Helena is busting a gut laughing!

Aside from the awkward ad, the Pho'town rag was, of course, replete with rag-o-licous crap like "the AG's office does not comment of investigations, real or imagined" as if to dare imply that the investigation that Helena told you about was all in her head. Her large, liquid filled beautiful head. The rag will spend the next several weeks leading up to election day making all kinds of implications about Peter's superpowers and abilities, leading the public to believe that Petey did nothing wrong and is not under investigation. Peter even said in public on the last episode that he WAS NOT under investigation, there was no investigation, and this is just a myth that the Bush administration has perpetuated.

But remember that Peter does lie.

Some past fibs Peter has told the People of Shandaken.

"I've applied for a $600k grant"
"I'm not trying to close down a farm stand"
"I didn't say I applied for $600k grant. It's amorphous"
"I don't know why the taxes went up so high, it was the Accountant's fault"
"I've spoken with the EFC and there is no grant money"
"I spoke with soandso regarding the sewer and they liked reed beds instead"
"NYC will still entertain a reed bed system, so that is why I spent an additional 13k for studies"


Oh, why bother, the list goes on and on.

Lift your glass to Petuor tonight, and thank him for the fun he has given us over the last twenty months (that's purpleteen years in Peter time).

I'm gonna miss that bitch!