Let me break this down in a way you'll understand

Soooo, Peter wants to give raises all the way around? Across the board he says. Never mind that the country, nay, the WORLD is facing an economic crisis, and most people are cutting back, foregoing raises in exchange for being able to keep their jobs, or worse, losing their jobs because of the breakdown in socioeconomic systems globally. Heck, Peter waves his arms in the air, like he don't care (word up!), "let them eat cake!" he says, just like Marie Antoinette. God, I could not resist, a Queen and Cameo reference. Long live the 70's and 80's.




So, while we struggle with the prospect of our next tax bill, lets think about all the departments that are standing with their hands out,

Here, in nut shell is who should and should not get a raise. According to Helena, Queen of Libations and all that is holy in Shandaken.

First, let's look at the Shandaken Ambulance.
They are on the should list.
Helena loves when Mr. Rich Muelllllllelleleleleleleleiieilalalalalala (that is how his name is spelled, right?) shows up at the meetings in his sexy uniform. Not just professional, sex-fessional! Alright,Helena likes to tease, but this is one department they better not cut back on. I don't want some half-assed resuscitation when I choke on my own vomit from one too many martoonies!

These award winning, fine individuals have our very lives in their hands, day in and day out. And their service to the community does not stop there. You will find them volunteering at various events and have put up with a tremendous amount of abuse (at times) from residents. Much like Helena does, only with better uniforms.

Above is a picture of their soon to be retired Ambulance. Now, I don't know if anyone caught this at the last monthly meeting show, but Mr. M (Rich, if you need mouth to mouth) gave the town a letter explaining the need to replace their current ambulance with one from the Ford Fleet Program. Peter looked at the words on the paper, but he really didn't understand them,they were just words to him, so there was not much response. Sweep it under the rug, Pete, just like all the important issues. Helena wants to know why we can't use the good neighbor funds for this? Since we no longer have any good neighbors left, that money should be used for something, right?

Bike Windowlickerdella seems to think that money should stay in there for infinity. Every time the good neighbor fund is mentioned, Bike chimes out, "We can't keep spending that money like it's going to last forever!" But apparently it can last forever. If everyone keeps following Bike's lead, our town will falter, probably dis incorporate, residents will leave, but god damn it that good neighbor fund will still be there, in tact, thanks in large part to Bike Windowlickerdella. That, and the failure of the town as a whole due to the lack of infrastructure, will be Bike's & Pete's legacy. Ill fitted orange shirts and shouting out obscenities at public meetings will be Dick Windowlickerdella's legacy. I understand that Bike is the cheapest sob on the planet but what good is the fund if you don't actually use it? That bitch would rather shit his own pants than pay a quarter to use a toilet.

Okay, back to the subject at hand.

Also on the Should list is the Shandaken Police Department.
Now, I have to admit that they made my should list, but with reservations. My reasons are simple. First, Officer Neher and Officer Ennist completely abuse their authority when it comes to dealing with Helena. Officer Neher never lets me express myself (and by "express myself", I mean he makes me put my clothes back on when walking around my front yard) and Officer Ennist completely lacks compassion when dealing with me (and by "lacks compassion", I mean he makes me climb down from the tree, put my clothes back on, and return my neighbor's weed whacker). Sure, from time to time, I've made one or both cry (I didn't know the bottle opener would end up there) but they are okay guys with a job to do.

Okay, so if we didn't have them to come running when we call, we would have:
1. Sheriff's Department. Ugly brown logos, someone needs to gay them up a bit, work it girls!
2. State Police. Nazi bastards. And by Nazi bastards I mean...Nazi bastards. Nice blue cars and gray uniforms though. They match well, someone totally gayed them up!
3. New York City Cops. DEP, fish cops, etc. Call 'em what you like, I just think they sit around eating packages of Pepperidge Farms gold fish crackers in their cars while listening to death metal music. I don't know why, I just do.

So, I guess if you want Officer Neher and Officer Ennist forcing you to put your clothes back on, and you like listening to them scream "Drop the bottle and come out of that dumpster now!" or "take your hands off of my gun or I'll taser you again!", then fine, let's have them. Let's give them a little more money. But I'm gonna make you work for it boys, and you know it! Tasers on 'ready'!

Now, we get to the real meat and potatoes of the budget. The essential Department. Yup, you know what I'm talking about. That's right...The Museum, without which Shandaken would fold if not for the dedication and hard work of...arhgghghg sdjghasdkfh, shit! I just choked on those words, I thought that was just a saying, but it really can happen!


The Museum director has been working hard. Without fail, two days a week, she rolls at of bed at the crack of noon, yawns, stretches, and gets back in bed until a more "human" hour, and then, if she feels up to it, she might go open the doors, but more likely, she won't. More often than not, complaints have come in to the town hall about the museum not being open when it is supposed to be. Even State officials on visits have made attempts to visit during hours of operation, only to find the hours of operation are only a work of fiction, a web of lies if you will. And those lucky enough to get the director to actually open the doors for them, are subjected to her glares as she sighs loudly, wanting to get back to the realty tv show she left to let them in. If you have not already guessed, this is on my Should not list! Why pay a bitch $11k a year to work four days a year?
Let her go work in Kingston like the rest of us ho's with no special skills, after all, she is against all development, economic, social, mental, anyway.





Okay, the Highway dept. is going to be mentioned here briefly. They get whatever their hearts desire because they are union. I guess we need 'em for road safety, etc. so Helena will cut them a break, except to say some of those bitches that "work" have imbibed more than Helena in her lifetime, and that is a whole lotta imbibing. If you spread the bottles of Jagermeister the road crew downs in a year, it would stretch across the new bullshit walkway over the Hudson that was so important to build, plus make its way down Route 9 to the Dutchess county fairgrounds. That's some imbibing indeed!

By the by, speaking of the Walkway,Thanks Mr. Hinchey, my ass shakes like I'm having a seizure while driving down Route 28, thanks to all the pot holes, but on a lighter note, a bitch can now "walk over the Hudson", ya know, like Jesus did! Thanks Maurice! Thanks so kindly from the people of Shandaken.

Town Clerk: Give this lady a raise. Flat out give her a raise! Laurilyn is Helena's favorite bitch in Town hall! Poor ity-bity has to put up with Peter and Co., all day in town hall (ya know, when he actually shows up) and then she has to sit up at the town board meetings with those clowns and listen to the diatribes for hours. Give her a raise and some liquor, stat! Below is a picture of cute kittens because ever time I hear Laurilyn speak, that is what she reminds me of. Except when she attacks Pete, then she is like one of those cute kittens who's tail you just stepped on and she goes all "ninja cat" on him. I love that!

Not to forget Wendy and Patty, give them a bone too, after all, they have to place all the phone books on chairs for Peter and heat up his kid cuisine lunch everyday!


Now, for the piece de resistance:

The town board.
Better know as Snoris, Tiny Tim, Pete-ard, Rob and Vin.

Snoris Tiny Tim



Vin



Pete-ard



Rob Stanley




You don't know how hard it was for Helena to get all these bitches together for these photos. They all insisted on posing individually, and frankly, no matter how hard I tired, Tiny would not drop that mop! I had to coax Pete with a "little Debbie" cake before he would give up the Elmo Phone. As you can see, these are the individuals who have been running the show...uhm, yeah, I don't buy it either.

So, in previous blogs, we have determined that peter puts in a total of "one billion" hours a week, with time off for naps. Now, how much time do Snoris, Tiny, and Vin put in? In total, combined, they put in two hours a month At public meeting. That is all. Well, not including Snoris' naps at monthly meetings. Now, Rob, he puts in close to purple hours, as he is on twentyteen committees. You would think that the other tardos would see him running around, getting things done (rec. committee, Shandaken Day, etc.) and take part in something. Well, Tiny does attend rec. meetings. In body. But you would think that the Supervisor might actually be hands on with something other than trying to get people fired from other places and attempting to shut down profitable fruit stands. That must really keep him busy! So, 3 quarters (that's eleventeen percent to Peter) of the board deserve zilch. Only one of them works at all. And that bitch is gonna be Supervisor next year, so he is already getting a raise, so that puts the town screw-ups in the Should not list!

Alright my behbehs, I gotta go, I have a dinner date with the Highway crew. What color dress goes with Wild Turkey? Please take a look at the very funny theshandakentruthblogspot.com

And remember, when all else fails, when life looks bleak, pray, because God answers all prayers (this is what God looks like to Helena, in "spicy 70's themed Heaven").

If your life is at its darkest...you should turn the lights on, the days are just getting shorter now!

Happy Autumn my Bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!