The Town Board Meeting Show

Well, it promised to be interesting, and it promised to have special guests...it didn't promise to last till well past Thursday! Damn! In Peter time, this meeting ended at eleventeen o'clock, and bitches were tired when they left.

Let me break it down for you in Helenavision, get your 2-D glasses on.

So it started with a nice man in a nice suit explaining why a sole appointed assessor would be best for the town. He talked on and on and on. He was pretty in a "plain joe" kind of way. I think it was the suit.
Some person still awake in the audience asked who had the idea to go to sole appointed assessor, and current elected chairperson and head assessor Heidi Clark raised her hand indicating she was the one. Later on in the meeting ,the board refused to entertain the notion. Now, I'm not against the idea, as Shandaken in the only town in the northern hemisphere that still employs three plus assessors. However, don't come to the meeting to ask for them to make you the only assessor, then bring some guy from some other town and ask the board to approve that he be paid to help you do your job! Some guy from Plattekill,or some Kill is supposed to help her do commercial assessments. SHE IS OUR ASSESSOR. Ummmm, she should know how to do them, or at least take a course. That has to be wayyyyy cheaper than paying some other bitch to do her job! Nothin' against Heidi mind you, but damn girl, you got brass ones, I'll give ya that!

So, then came the porno portion of the meeting. YES! you read right. Dennis Doyle of the Ulster County Not in my Backyard Planning Dept. brought Brian"where is Shandaken again" Shapiro and Don "what the hell is a shandaken"Greglorious and the three stood up in the front corner and proceeded to kiss each others asses until I started to hear seventies porn music playing in my head bow chicka bow wow !
Dennis: You're so great, Brian and Don, and you too Peter!
Don: You're the most knowledgable of all Dennis.
Brian: No, YOU are Don. You've been trying to get things accomplished for Shandiggin for years..
Peter: Shandaken, you mean Shandaken, Brian.
Brian: Whatever, but Don has been in there, getting down and dirty, working his ass off..
Dennis: Yeah, Don, you look like you could use a back massage
Don: Well I am a little stiff.

Brian: Wink Wink, me too...

bow chicka bow wow




So, after this conflagration was over, Business was back to abnormal.
Peter tried to pass the farm stand law again. I laugh each time. I once had a dog that would always walk into the electrified fence in our yard (kept out the patrone thieves) and no matter how many times he did it, and knew what was going to happen to him, he still did it! It's kinda like watching those special kids on the little buses press their cute little faces to the windows...and lick them.

Peter also said that he was giving himself and the "Pips" (Councilmen) a raise. Objections were raised about that, so Peter said he "didn't' say for sure they would get raises" and it's not written in stone" as nothing is really written in stone when Peter says them. They are written in crayon, orange in particular. And remember what Helena taught you before, even if Peter says it, but then says two seconds later he didn't say it, it means he didn't say it, okay?




Oh, speaking of special kids, the Windowlickerdellas voiced their opposition about any talks of sewers with anyone anytime anywhere. Also revealed was how Dick Windowlickerdella cost the town $2,100.00 because the tard can't count (if Johnny has ten trailers in 1995, but only two trailers in 2008, how many years do you keep ripping him off until he calls you on it?) but what they didn't mention was beyond the money being returned to Mr. Fudge for his "overcharges", Mr. Fudge will also not be seeing a water bill for a few years as well, costing the town even more in revenue. Hey Dick, know how to count? Didn't think so, BITCH! And for the love of God! Buy another shirt. Every time I see him, he is wearing that frigging orange shirt. He's like an expectant pumpkin waiting for Halloween.



Merry Vermin hissed and moaned all night, having her usual "hate orgasms" every time Gary Gailes opened his mouth or anyone said anything remotely intelligent.






Strangely absent was superhero Kathy Knownothing.
I heard Tell that she is not well liked by Dennis Doyle these days, and her presence would have caused Dennis to turn into the Hulk and get angry! So Kathy sat up on the vacant cell tower, looking out over the quiet valley, and prayed for someone to call out her name, or hoping forPeter to set of the bat signal with his vacant eyes glaring into the florescent lights, but alas, the meeting was to go on without her presence. Sometimes Peter looked lost with no one to turn to for answers. Kathy's hand was far from being up his ass last night!

All in all it was a good meeting, even if it did last fourteen hours. I swear I thought I would run out of Vermouth before that bitch was over! Peter looked like the incompetent jerk he truly is, some guys stroked each others egos, everyone laughed at the Windowlickerdellas (not with them, at them) Rob, Jack, and Pat shined, so, ya know the usual.

Well, more on this later, Helena is wayyyyyy past her bedtime and I have to get up and get a second job because a bitch has to pay to keep Peter in crayons and kid cuisine meals.

-Helena