JoJo's been robbed!!!!

Yes, that's right, my beh-behs, I got an e-mail from one of my reporters who tells Helena someone (ahem) went up and down Route 28 last night, stealing JoJo Kalb's signs, even going so far as to step on private property to take these signs! Last I heard, that was theft and trespassing ( in Peter speak, that is "ambition" and "advancement")

Ms. Kalb, I officially declare you the winner. Why else would they go through the trouble of removing your signs if they didn't think you were gonna whop their asses in November.

Oh, how the skanks have fallen.

Now, I've seen Pete-ard's followers do some low handed things, but this is the lowest of low.

Now, while you might think this is just a prank, it's outright theft. Now, let's take a moment and calculate all of the dirty tricks Pete-ard and his cronies have pulled so far:

Repeatedly stalled Declan Feehan's attempts to clean up the Phoenicia Hotel site in an attempt to take the property by eminent domain. Trouble was somebody forgot to tell them you cant take property that way. Time lost and Grants missed out on for this potential commercial sight that could have been bringing income into the town by way of construction jobs. The explanation from Peter was this was about safety for the community. We really know it was about padding the town coffers so funds could be spent on new positions created in town hall. No construction jobs, mind you, just ya know, cushy jobs. Big beefy Construction men, Think about that when you go to pull the lever.

Repeatedly attempted to close down The Hanover Farms and Alyce and Rodger's Fruit Stand with their ill fated farm stand law. A law they still have not followed through with because they know it is flawed beyond fixing. Many jobs would have been lost, not to mention gorgeous and affordable produce that would have been taken from us. This law was trying to place control within town government over what time of year and hours they could operate, and WHAT THEY COULD SELL!? Please, I'm still waiting for Al to stock Stoli for me. Nothing goes with kale and carrots better than Stoli...'cept Grey Goose. I'm just sayin'. Appreciative consumers of lettuce and liquor, Think about that when you pull the lever.

Peter promised cell service for the town. Then he gave the company that had constructed the tower the money held in escrow, roughly thirty thousand dollars,( or 5 billion million Peter-bucks) that was supposed to be held until the contractor found carriers for it, taking away any incentive they had to assist Shandaken in finding anyone willing to go on the ill fated world's largest coat stand. Peter's fix? Sign a petition. Bitch, please! Those still without cell service, standing and watching Verizon rip out the last remaining pay phones along 28, think about that when you go to pull the lever.

Contrary to what Pete-ard said at the (hands down a win for Rob) debate, he has NOT answered every FOIA request he has gotten. He still has yet to answer the question about what other companies (he made up in his head) he allegedly called to bid in the reed bed study. People who still believe we live in a free country, Think about that when you go to pull the lever.

Desperate calls were made by both Peter and his Museum Director to the State of NY to attempt to interfere with services run by a community organization that has brought in over 6 million dollars to this community (I know, I know, not exactly what the Museum is bringing in with advanced admission sales, but hey, they get by) and demanded they be shut down. Let's see, how much has Petey brought in (on his own, not counting the grant he just signed for recently that was actually done under the previous administration) to the town? $0.00 ( 14 billion in peter-bucks). All town residents, think about that when you go to pull the lever.

Without proper approval from DOT orrrrrrr his fellow board members, Peter used town funds ($1,800 or so) to have a sign placed on Route 28 in Mount Tremper to direct traffic to the apparent Gotham that this area houses. Businesses, lodging, dining, were all touted on this butt-fugly sign. Uhmmm. I know that Ted Byron and Brian Dorr have their landscaping business signs there in front of their homes. And then there is the Post office. Oh, Ken Lovelett has a lovely store (please do go in and check out his patented awesome drums), and oh,, yes, I almost forgot, Tiso's Restaurant. Best Italian home-cooking you'll get up here, 'cept for Helena's Pasta La Vodka.
Want my my recipe?
One bottle of Smirnoff. Shake well.
Drink.
Wait, what was I cooking?
Ah, screw it, order from Tiso's.

So, where was I, oh yea, Tiso's and that's it.

WAIT! I forgot one. Coincidentally, Peter's Restaurant is also there, just before Tiso's. You'll recognize it by the empty lot.

I wonder what happened to that sign? $1,800 seems like alot to have just stuffed into some darkened room, alone and ashamed. Residents who love to eat good Italian food, and those
against wasteful spending of self serving (and illegally placed) signs, think about that when you go to pull the lever.

He promised to keep the flower program running and then when SHARP spent the funds and requested their promised $5,000.00, Peter informed them that he was pulling the flower program ( a decision made on his own, no confab with the other councilmen, then tried to blame the other councilmen when the flowers hit the fan) and refused to reimburse them. The next year when SHARP made a request for funds again, Peter and Co. insisted that SHARP spend the money upfront and show receipts. SHARP said the equivalent of "Fool me once...!" Flowers go bye-bye.
Tough titties, SHARP. SOL my chirrens.
Maybe you can take up a collection and get those really nice plastic flowers, Oh, better yet, I know a place where they sell those wooden flowers with faces painted on them. A conversation piece, for sure. Flower lovers and those opposed to plastic/wooden smiley face flowers, think about that when you go to pull the lever.

Peter placed his friends in unnecessary town jobs, which makes them eligible for benefits. They will one day be vested and pull in a pension while most of you suckers drive to Kingston to work for YEARS, wearing out your tires and paying for gas to the point where...nuff said on that. Those of you not listed as the chosen few, think about that when you go to pull the lever (that is, if you have enough gas left in your car to drive to the polls).

Pete-ard promised a senior lunch program, and then proceeded to place the task into Brian Shapiro's very capable lap. In case you don't get it, that is sarcasm. Brian stopped returning phone calls (until election time of course) and Peter was given the idea of a voucher system. He refused to act on it...until this past month. It only took 22 months (velveteen years in Peter time) and we now have a senior lunch program...for two or three months.

Hopefully, if Peter wins again (ouch, I just bit my tongue) it wiw onwy take anower (I bit my tongue bitches, remember?) 22 months for another successful two month lunch program. All you hungry seniors yearning for lunch companionship, think about that when you go to pull the lever.

Now, add to this very long list, theft, trespassing, oh, lets not forget plagiarism (because lesser Helena 2.o, or poser as we call her in thenews room, isn't creative enough to write her own material, she just copies and pastes this one, loser).






I won't attack Peter for not having an original thought anymore.
Why, you ask Helena?

Because, of all the people who have ever run for any office in this town, I have never seen anyone of them sink this low. This is a new low for this town, and for that, I'll give Pete-ard full credit. You might argue that he is not out there doing the sign stealing himself. You're correct about that, he is not. However, he condones it. He encourages it, he allows it. Until he sends out a letter condemning the actions, of course, far too little and too late, like he did last time he ran. I've seen many types of people running for office, but never this lowly caliber before (wait, yeah, I did... two years ago, how quickly we forget). Those who want maturity, honesty and competency in office, think about that when you go to pull the lever.

Hey, Did Petey boy ever mention which insurance company he decided to go with? After all he put alot of work into pretending he didn't look at the closed bids before that meeting (roll the tape...Doris hands Peter the envelope, Peter replies, "No, I've already seen it, thanks." and passes it on to a stunned Rob) Don't believe me? Watch for yourself.
Gooder Goberment, MY ASS!


The Next Phoenicia Rag headlines...

A drunken Rob freaks out at Debate, killing two audience members. Peter brings them back to life, and saves them $200.00 on their car insurance.

SHARP gives Rob $45,000.00 for a "man cave" and a year's supply of Meister Brau... murder and mayhem ensue at Stanley residence as drunken councilman attacks party-goers. Peter holds candle light vigil for pary sufferers, making said candles from his own batch of mustache wax.

Peter uses his power of "mustache" and feeds the hungry by shaking his 'stache and supplying the needy with loaves of bread from it. Rob steals the bread and makes a sandwich to dip in his Meister Brau which he enjoys in his "man cave".

Now, Finally a quick word about my blog friend, Fanci. True, Fanci has moved,and I support her decision to do so. You go girl! As for me? This bitch ain't goin' anywhere. Bitch isn't makin' me change my totally awesome self because she wants to play poser and continue to plagiarize me. Who wouldn't want to be this fabulous? Really! Who? Keep it up, Bitch! You just keep digging yourself further and further into the grave.
My friend Fanci offers lesser Helena 2.0 love and peace.
Helena (the one and only REAL Helena), only offers to keep holding the nails for your coffin as you continue to dig. Don't worry, I can wait. I'll be here when you're done. Be-otch.

Okay, I've given lesser Helena 2.0 enough to plagiarize tonight, don't want her too busy as Dr Phil has a special on 'secret cutters" followed by a special Oprah who will give away free self help/self love kits to home viewers. and I wouldn't want her to miss either one. Stop hatin', my bitch, start lovin yoself!
Word.
hiccup*