Who's your Daddy?

Ooooooooo Snap! It's on! Rob Stanley (pictured above) laid down the gauntlet, and this bitch is ON!!!!!
Tonight's monthly meeting show seemed to be running along without any surprises (except Peter's new word of the day from his calendar, "esoteric" which he used in a sentence,not really appropriately, but he used it) however, one big ass surprise came in the form of one Vin "take in on the chin" Bernstein. Notice Helena used his real name. This is a sign of affection. I affection Vinny alot tonight.

He said he was going to say something unpopular, but he wanted everyone in town hall to make the same sacrifice that elected officials were making, and not get a raise this year.

Unpopular indeed, but not with the other board members, with the Witches of Eastwick (who cackled so loud at one point, Helena thought her glass of chardonnay would crack) who were floored by this turn of events. Mostly because their lead witch, Merrily "weathered" Vermin would be affected.
Now, Helena almost pee-peed herself a few times tonight, but Merry started grousing about her $200 increase and how she worked so hard for it ("You don't know the hours I have to put in for that money ") and she made a point of directing her attack on Rob Stanley. At one point, when an audience member commended Vin and Rob on their fiscal responsibility, Merry blubbered incoherently about stolen kitty litter and plants. Someone PLEASE give this a bitch a coupon for fresh step now!

Please allow Helena to digress. Let's talk about what Merry does for the money (no, not who, what...get your mind out of the Cuervo gutter).

She wakes up at the crack of noon-noonthirty on a Thursday or Friday. She looks out her window. The museum is still there.
Time for Jerry Springer.
Around two thirty she opens her front door, the museum is still there.
Time for Judge Judy.
Four o'clock. Time for Oprah. F@#* the museum, O is her bitch.

Merry's day (work month) is done.

So back to the important shit. Merry bellowed that if Rob wanted her $200 so badly, he could have it. Like he was actually taking it himself (though I know that if he did take that bitch's money, he would use it to buy him and me shots of Petrone at the "Arms" till our faces were numb). Hand to God, at one point, I swear Merry was gonna get up and shove a grapefruit half in Rob's face, or throw a cream pie at him. The tension was palpable. Note to Peter: That word will be on your 'word a day' calender on November 12th. Watch for it so you may use it appropriately.




So Rob goes one better than Vinny and recommends that the employees not only don't take a raise, but that the councilmen should actually take a cut! He went on to say something about how it was supposed to be an honor and privilege to serve the town's people, not an entitlement, and that they should be happy to just be doing the job. He lost me at "serve the town" as when I hear the word "serve" I automatically think a drink is on its way.

I'm still waiting for that drink.

F@#*ING BRILLIANT!!!! I mean it Rob, brilliant!

Anygenius, if that wasn't enough, Rob continued to push the issue and requested that each board member be polled. During discussions, Tiny Tim and Vin were with him , but nary a peep came out of Snoris' mouth, or Pete-ard's pie hole. Snoris fell asleep a total of 47 times tonight during the meeting and one of those times that she picked to nap was unfortunate for her as it was at the moment of roll call, and as she woke up and was asked her vote for the salary reduction, she voted no.

Bitch voted NO.

But that was okay she thought, as Peter would back her up on this. True, they lost Timmy and Vinny to the common sense side, but surely Peter still had his home girl's back. They're a team after all, right?

Right?

So, when Laurilyn calls out Peter's name, he does his usual gesturing, moving his bobble head from left and right, smirking, and then, he says..."Hmmmmmmmm, yeah, ya know, I kinda like it, I like the idea, yeah we need to be fiscally...yeah, yes...okay, why not."

If you were watching closely, and if you listened carefully, you could actually hear the veins in Snoris' eyes popping. Bitch threw Peter a look like, "Oh no you d'int!"

But... oh yes, he did!

He threw that bitch out to the wolves. Snoris now goes down at the season finale as the only bitch who voted no to a pay decrease!

BRILLIANT!!!!! I can see the votes for Jack and Pat flowing in from here on out!

So, as Helena sees it, two birds were killed with one stone tonight. 'Cept one of those birds is gonna kick Peter's ass!

Other notables tonight:

We learned that Dick Windowlickerdella cost the Town yet more money, with $200.00 being returned to Debra Jo Ryan for another Dick screw-up. Honestly, can this bitch count or what? When is this going to stop? Take away his pen, calculator, and the keys to his truck, and give him one of Peter's crayons and coloring books, and send him on his way to Tenbroeck Commons where he belongs. The good news is Dick wore a coat so Helena could not tell if he finally changed his shirt or not, but who cares. He was quiet and sounded like a wind up toy on its last rotation.

Bike Windowlickerdella, in his best Soprano impersonation yet, kinda attacked Rich Muellerllliiiiiillalalalalalallala, head of the Ambulance, even though Rich (who of course showed up in all of his uniformed glory) explained that he did not request that much money from the Town for his department's budget. I hope that if the day ever comes when Mr. Windowlickerdella needs the services of our sexational paramedic, that Rich acts professionally... and tries to remember to make sure that the knot is tied securely to the back of the ambulance bumper as they drive off dragging Mr. Windowlickerdella behind. You don't want him coming loose and just laying in the street. That would be a waste. You want him to arrive at the hospital as a fresh corpse to help the med students learn about compassion and "good neighbor funds".

I kid.

Another notable was the low turnout. As the camera panned the room, Helena noticed not too many asses filling those seats. Mostly it was the Peter supporters who didn't show up. I guess everyone has pretty much figured out who the returning cast of characters will be. Representing the lullaby league was Evil Smith, who talked about giving out cakes and pies to Pine Hill indigents (Frank Nazzaro) and wanted to know if anyone knew where the yellow brick road started. Helena thought that this being the season finale, more peeps would pop up.

I hope that when Pete-ard loses, he turns up on future episodes as a guest star, like Peter Ditestical does, ya know, as a ghost of supervisors past. Those who have not been able to move on and have a life, and are doomed to sit in the second row, spouting out things like, "well, when I was in office, we did things this way..." and "when I was working with the State on the Pine Hill Water Department purchase..." yeah, right. SHUT UP YOU TOOL! If you did it the right way when you were in office, I would think YOU"D STILL BE IN OFFICE!

Also discovered: Someone gets paid to clean the museum...WTF?! Why can't the director pick up a broom and toilet brush and do it herself? IS she too good? Are there that many throngs of visitors clamoring to get in and use the facilities that we have to pay an additional bitch to clean it up? I think not! Give Helena that job, I'll do it for a pack of orbit gum and a set of soggy matches (don't ask).

WE INTERRUPT THIS BLOG TO BRING YOU A MESSAGE FROM 70'S SPICY GOD:

My groovy children,
If you want to make the almighty far out dude in the sky feel super righteous, change the course of your town NOW. Don't make me loose my mellow vibe and start smiting people, because you know how I can get. I take things to extremes sometimes (Re: Noah, Abraham, Lot, etc.) I ask alot from my hip young babies. When I'm not craving your adoration, I'm making crazy requests like, "kill your first born" or "build a boat, but make that bitch BIG, 'cause it's gonna RAINNNNN". But in return for your adoration, I give you groovy things. Things like sunsets, ESPN, and self sticking stamps. So right now, what would make this groovy dude love you even more, would be to bring about change in your town. Change you can live with (I swear to me, Obama stole that line, I had it first) and change that will make your lives better. Vote in my normal children. You dig my babies?
Later,
70's Spicy God

Okay Mommies and Poppies, Helena has to go now. I have to get up early and drive to Kingston to look for work. My days in Nirvana are numbered!

Hola chicas!