Wow, the bullshit runneth freely this week

So, if any of you have the pleasure of being in the Independent line, or Democratic one, you must have received the pleasure of having the latest doozie of a newsletter dropped into your mailbox.

Apparently, Peter has accomplished so much that the newsletter had to use THE SMALLEST FONT EVER to fit all of his bullshit in.

"We have done well," it starts, giving one the impression that something was actually accomplished. Look closely and you will see that some little goodies Petey is trying to take credit for are things accomplished before the imbecile took office. "Now is the time to get involved," it continues. Yeah, read between the lines, "now it's election time, so please vote for me, please please please!"
Let us dissect this one, just for shits and giggles.

SHANDAKEN IN BLOOM GARDEN TOUR:

Between the lines editions: Pete took away flowers on main street and elsewhere (remember, someone had to pay for that sign directing traffic to his business) so they are using someone's private property, that you can tour...FOR A PRICE. $20 bucks gets you a tour of some pretty flowers, and pays for Pete to have a job for two more years! These imbecilian are pretty crafty, huh?

BBQ:
Between the lines edition:

Eat our meat, then meet our candidates. Hmmmm, yummy. Hand shaking with sticky sauce fingers, sounds like a fun time. Let's keep the sticky theme going people.

PETE'S MESSAGE:

Between the lines edition:

"Hey guys, just checking in with my first ever newsletter. Yeah, I know what your thinking, it's election season, so here he is, mustache and all. But seriously, Kit and I wanted to...I mean Rose and I wanted to thank our supporters and let you know about some stuff that either happened before I took office or that Rob Stanley accomplished, that I wanna take credit for, so here goes...

Through no help from me, the ambulance surpassed mine and Jerry Perlman's expectations. We both huffed and puffed about their recent award (can't really remember what it was for, but it musta been good, 'cause I was supposed to do a presentation and everything, but I muffed it up on purpose as not to embarrass our former ambulance head guy, Jerry. Remember, he predicted their demise should he and Lisa leave) and I think that their success can be summed up in just a few words, "I had no involvement whatsoever!"

Next. I want to say the DEP has approved all of my attempts to thwart the new sewer system. They worked with me tirelessly in not getting the needed services to the residents of Phoenicia. Mike Ricciardella's will be done. Not to forget Paul Pettinatto. He worked diligently at smearing the reputations of good people, many who support his business, all to keep Phoenicia the shit hole that it is. I am proud of what I have not accomplished with the infrastructure of this town, and if re-elected, I will continue my streak of non-accomplishments for two more years, I promise!

The new seasonal produce law is a good law. Okay, I know what you're thinking, we didn't actually pass that law yet, but WE WILL, so I wanted to put it in anyway, never mind I'm jumping the gun. I plan on crushing the backbone of small business in our area, as long as they are foe, and will continue this if elected this November... I mean re-elected.

Let me throw in a message about Shandaken Day, as an after thought. I can take credit for this too, if I just mention it and ask you to participate. Doris and I will show up on that day, tell you about all the work we have done, and shake hands with people, even shake their babies too. I know how to handle kids, DON'T HAVE 'EM! HAHA, just kidding! Rose loves them, that's why she married me. We will also tell you about how Doris and I created the internet, with Al Gore's help, and how we are currently doing the work on the bridge in Mt. Tremper.

Lastly, I've changed my platform from "open and transparent government" to "accessible and responsive" as I was being lambasted by the public over my refusal to actually live up to those terms. Well, actually, I'm not living up to "responsive", but...we do have a handicapped ramp in town hall, soooooo...accessible is a go!

Anyway, please come to the caucus and let's smear Rob, Jack, and Pat. Let's smear 'em good! Let's throw in a Jane Todd reference or two, and let's say SHARP is the devil and get them do-gooders outta here, they make us look bad! They make ME look bad! Rob attended the Association of Towns classes, and actually knows our town law and uses big words. Jack is an edjumkated (not sure of the spelling, but he got good schooling in him) guy, and can use his words goodly. Pat, shit, Pat is a lawyer, and kinda classy, and she is one who uses big words too.

Kat would like you all to know that he is ready for a fight, he has been working out, lifting weights and studying big words. He will be ready! We also now have a new motto that will be going on our pins and will be distributed at the caucus:

Fear Kat...he will cut a bitch!

Thanks everybody, thanks for your time, i gotta take a nap, I just spilled my sippy-cup, shit, Rose will kill me.